The Bachelor. A glittery show made up of dozens of bachelorettes from heaven, hell, and funny farms, a handsome bachelor determined to find his mate and all the tears, spray tans and misguided attitudes one can tolerate before vomiting into one’s own shoes.
The Bachelor Season 20 Episode 4… The Summary.
In this jaw-dropping, eye-rolling, heart palpitating episode – the remaining blushing-brides-to-be are whisked off to… LAS VEGAS! The city of love, Elvis, latex and STD’s!
In this episode, Benny-Boo- Boo takes JoJo up in a helicopter and then shocks us all by skipping the hot tub and live music completely and going straight to dinner. Our brooding Bachelor blew us away with his sexy, vague and entirely non-committal conversation and JoJo got real with Benny-Wenny when she opened up about her miserable, trust-shattering previous boyfriend – indicating that she was in a relationship where ‘others were involved’ (sooo he cheated?). Naturally she thought the most constructive and postive move she could make would be entering into an open relationship with him and 35 other random chicks.
Our bombshells were given the opportunity to show off their talents (which included butwerenotlimitedto: the flattest stomach, best bejewelled belly top, most tanned legs and who was the most adorable in a chicken costume). The girls knocked it out of the park in front of a Las Vegas audience and blew Ben away with their originality and glowing confidence.
The Virgin (sometimes referred to as ‘Becca’) had the final one-on-one date with our Bachelor. Ben and Becca, on their own quest for true love, spent the afternoon officiating weddings of lovers who in no way benefited from getting married on television, be it financially or otherwise. The date drew to a sweet close as Becca assured Ben that she ‘cares so much more this season’ (I can’t wait to see how much MORE she will care next season and then on Bachelor in Paradise!) and Ben used his smart, man brain to connect the dots between being a virgin and being a good wife.
This truth works as follows: a virgin has chosen to stay a virgin thus will always choose to be a good wife. Non-virgins (hoes, hussies, loose-ladies, women of the night) did not make a choice to do anything worthwhile in their lives thus they are unsuitable for marriage material.
I for one am so excited for Ben and Becca (couple name: ‘Benca’). With this solid logic guiding their future together – they have years of playful, pure, virginal wake-up-calls heading their way!
Olivia is really picking up where Lace left off – which is delightful because I was concerned that Lace’s dramatic send-off was a wee bit premature but no, no, no – The Bachelor isn’t a moron. The Bachelor knows not to leave us without a train wreck. The Bachelor knows where the big bucks come from. Points for keeping it simple and sticking to the train wreck that sells.
Train Wreck Job Description: Have panic attacks, shove your hand into your mouth when thinking, interrupt Ben at every opportunity to apologize for being alive, elude (in a seductive way – always keep it sexy) to a multiple personality disorder, refer to Ben as ‘Benjamin’ (one super weird time), doubt every move you make and finally for the win – refer to yourself in third person.
Olivia is killin it.
When Ben paid for the conjoined twins, Emily and Haley to get surgically separated because he only wanted to hook up with one of them and things were just getting awkward. This was such a beautiful part of the show as Ben escorted the girls back to their childhood home for the procedure; Emily threw her twin under the proverbial bus and then put on a breathtaking performance of waterworks when Ben made his decision and tossed Haley to the curb. Poor Haley. Best of luck to you, girl – I wish we could say we will miss you, but honestly – it will be like you never left.
What we take away:
💡 Kissing a ventriloquist puppet of your future husband in front of your future husband is sexy… and wicked playful.
Keep on keep’in it real Bachelor – and for heaven’s sake keep ’em coming 🌹