The Bachelor. A glittery show made up of dozens of bachelorettes from heaven, hell, and funny farms, a handsome bachelor determined to find his mate and all the tears, spray tans and misguided attitudes one can tolerate before vomiting into one’s own shoes.
The Bachelor Season 20 Week 6… The Summary.
Juicy episode. This nail biter opens up where last week left off – with a dramatic stand off between The Bachelor and Crazy Face. Ben asks Olivia ‘what’s up’ and Olivia explains how all the girls are just painting their nails and doing each other’s hair and she’s different. She likes reading and… Thinking! And she wants to talk smart things (SMART THINGS BENJAMIN! SHE WANTS TO TALK THEM!!!). Ben is overcome by her desperate desire to be smart and allows her to stay. He also realizes that there are to many brunettes harshing the platinum vibes in the house, so he gives Jennifer the boot.
Next up… The Bahamas and matching onesie jumpers! Caila scores the one-on-one date and Ben wears blue again – but this time his billowy, button-up is jauntily unbuttoned down to his groin. Their date consisted of deep sea fishing (erry girls dream) and the most confusing dinner. Ben expresses sincerely to the camera that ‘Caila is great – but she’s full of joy and really bubbly – I want to know if I can find out who she is underneath that.’ Totally Ben. It IS a bit shocking that Caila hasn’t unleashed her scowly, moody, PMSING glory all over the man she and 20 other women are competing for. Nothing screams ‘Bachelor Magnet’ like a surly, dramatic, tearful bachelorette. Ben pokes and prods (literally – hands all up in her thighs) and asks her if she’ll smile through tough shit or bawl through it with him? Is she ready for this? Is she ready to not smile with him? It is here in the conversation that Caila takes us for a mental roller coaster.
Caila (with a face-breaking smile I might add): I feel like I love you, but then I don’t. I’m excited but then I’m scared. I don’t want to hurt you but then I think I’m ready. It feels right but then something is not right. Ok – basically I just want to be understood.
Righttttttt. This mind-bending explanation worked it’s charms as our Bachelor’s eyes glazed over and he confesses how attractive it is that Caila is confusing and not just a smiley, bubbly person. Thank God for that.
Next up – Ben blows his group date away with a romantic, sexy pig ‘feed and swim’. A genius ploy to check out the ‘goods’ – the girls run around screaming with their breasts and bums bouncing vigorously – trying not to get eaten by ravenous sows. Vibes go sour when the girls realize Ben is particularly attentive to Lauren A-Z. The Bachelor is flummoxed and bewildered that these chicks aren’t having a good time feeding the porkies and watching him make love connections with – not them.
Ben: ‘I thought a bunch of women with a bunch of pigs would be awesome… but it wasn’t.’
If I had a nickel for every time I’d heard that…
Hats off to Leah as she shines in this week’s episode as the self-obsessed, depressed and jilted bachelorette. She can’t decide if her future husband is an idiot for not giving her a chance or if she’s a total ass for putting herself through this – but then she remembers that Ben told her she was beautiful and this solidifies her decision to stay and be crazy. Her moments of true, psycho glory?
- Whipping out Sabotage Tactic #6 from the ‘Bachelorettes-Be-Crazy’ handbook and tells Ben that Lauren B is ‘fake’ and ‘not the girl he thinks she is’. This move (always in the name of ‘looking out for The Bachelor’) is used typically during the cocktail parties and 100% never works (but remember – the Bachelorette’s are pretty – not smart – so it isn’t surprising that these situations occur often).
- When confronted by the other Bachelorettes, Leah denies every having said anything to Ben about Lauren B. Which I believe. Obviously she doesn’t REMEMBERS anything she does. Blondes have the short term memory of – what is it – five minutes? Or maybe it’s six?
- Later that evening, Leah can’t remember where her room is and accidentally ends up at Ben’s suite. Here, her bad memory shoots herself in the foot when she rags on Lauren B four times in a row (forgetting each time). Ben realizes that although he has a soft spot for early-onset Alzheimers – he has other women, with other issues that he is more attracted to.
Ben calls Leah’s nurse and Leah is sent home.
Farewell, Olivia. Olivia and Emily go head-to-head for Benny-Boo’s heart on the two-on-one date. The two girls almost die of hair-strangulation en route to a deserted island, Olivia reminds Ben that religion, politics and deep, intellectual things are still her jam and Emily expresses that she wants this journey to be all about Ben validating her (how he was able to choose between these two winners is beyond me). They spend the rest of the afternoon in silence, shivering into their wine glasses on the beach in the midst of a hurricane. When they are JUST shy of freezing to death – Ben takes Olivia aside and dumps her so that he and Emily can peace out on their cozy boat – leaving Olivia to live out her days, stranded and alone with nothing but her smart, smart thoughts to comfort her.
What we take away:
💡Although we think that women in the their early twenties and a pack of starving sows would be a fun- carefree mix – this isn’t always the case.
💡A reality TV show can only have so many Laurens. Initially – the show can consist entirely of Laurens… but it is understood that Laurens and Brunettes are the first ones to get chopped. Farewell Lauren M. We wish you the best!