36 Questions That Lead To Love

Time. Cuddles. Affection. Proximity. Strong hugs. Cuddles. Kisses. Hand-holds. Cuddles. Sexy cuddles. Really sexy cuddles. Long talks. Eye-contact. More cuddles…

These listed items roughly outline what I require to be a functioning, constructive partner in marriage/member of society. These demands are tough to meet at the best of times – and when your husband is neck deep in work/professional designation schooling… they are ESPECIALLY difficult to maintain. So there we were – several months into this journey, our relationship looking something like:

Her Text: Oh hey pal – remember me? XOXOXOXO. Wink* Wink* 

Him Text: Hmmmm I think I saw you sleeping last night? You were the mess in the bed, no? Drooling? 

Her Text: You’re the meanest! The dogs are my new husbands now – they spend time with me, cuddle me, love me unconditionally and let me spend all of our money – guilt free.

Him Text: Well, maybe I can drive by the house later to see you. The dogs can only take so much…

Her Text: OMG REALLY!!!! We haven’t hung out for weeks! We can chat, bake cookies, stay up late, ‘cuddle’, and –

Him Text: Babe – I will literally be slowing down as I pass the house to go back to study. Make sure you’re watching for me! Leaving now!

Her Text: &%$#@?#*&+$%#!!!!!!!


The long and short of it is – I live with a ghost. He is a handsome and hygienic ghosty but up to his earlobes in grown-up stuff and my quality time with him consists of me stealing a glance at his sleeping form at 5:30 in the morning. After wallowing for months and getting foul reviews on my sock puppet production of High School Musical 3 (the dogs are ruthless), I knew it was time. Time to escape the crazy. After an emergency call to ‘Grandma’ – the four-legged ones were ditched and I kidnapped the ghost for a weekend away. This weekend was healing. It was guilt free. It was responsibility free. It was a chance for us to come to a halt and reconnect. I am a massive sucker for interrogations, intense/invasive conversation and finding out EVERYTHING there is to know about a person (he’s a lucky guy ain’t he?) and am always looking for new material – so we discussed the 36 Questions That Lead To Love (from a study by psychologist Arthur Aron). We had no expectations going in and considering how many questions I have asked/probed/coerced out of that guy, it was delightful to uncover new information and enjoy each other’s perspectives and differences. The questions can be found below.


To weekend escapes and time-consuming questions!




Set I

1. Given the choice of anyone in the world, whom would you want as a dinner guest?

2. Would you like to be famous? In what way?

3. Before making a telephone call, do you ever rehearse what you are going to say? Why?

4. What would constitute a “perfect” day for you?

5. When did you last sing to yourself? To someone else?

6. If you were able to live to the age of 90 and retain either the mind or body of a 30-year-old for the last 60 years of your life, which would you want?

7. Do you have a secret hunch about how you will die?

8. Name three things you and your partner appear to have in common.

9. For what in your life do you feel most grateful?

10. If you could change anything about the way you were raised, what would it be?

11. Take four minutes and tell your partner your life story in as much detail as possible.

12. If you could wake up tomorrow having gained any one quality or ability, what would it be?

Set II

13. If a crystal ball could tell you the truth about yourself, your life, the future or anything else, what would you want to know?

14. Is there something that you’ve dreamed of doing for a long time? Why haven’t you done it?

15. What is the greatest accomplishment of your life?

16. What do you value most in a friendship?

17. What is your most treasured memory?

18. What is your most terrible memory?

19. If you knew that in one year you would die suddenly, would you change anything about the way you are now living? Why?

20. What does friendship mean to you?

21. What roles do love and affection play in your life?

22. Alternate sharing something you consider a positive characteristic of your partner. Share a total of five items.

23. How close and warm is your family? Do you feel your childhood was happier than most other people’s?

24. How do you feel about your relationship with your mother?


25. Make three true “we” statements each. For instance, “We are both in this room feeling … “

26. Complete this sentence: “I wish I had someone with whom I could share … “

27. If you were going to become a close friend with your partner, please share what would be important for him or her to know.

28. Tell your partner what you like about them; be very honest this time, saying things that you might not say to someone you’ve just met.

29. Share with your partner an embarrassing moment in your life.

30. When did you last cry in front of another person? By yourself?

31. Tell your partner something that you like about them already.

32. What, if anything, is too serious to be joked about?

33. If you were to die this evening with no opportunity to communicate with anyone, what would you most regret not having told someone? Why haven’t you told them yet?

34. Your house, containing everything you own, catches fire. After saving your loved ones and pets, you have time to safely make a final dash to save any one item. What would it be? Why?

35. Of all the people in your family, whose death would you find most disturbing? Why?

36. Share a personal problem and ask your partner’s advice on how he or she might handle it. Also, ask your partner to reflect back to you how you seem to be feeling about the problem you have chosen.



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