
After years of waiting and staring at my phone… I finally got the call. The call I knew would change my life forever.
I was wanted, the photographer said – NAY – NEEDED for a photo shoot (that would skyrocket my modest existence into the world of fame and obviously fortune I knew I was destined for). I cleared my throat, and through muffled sobs of joy, said ‘Yeah, sure, whatever, I guess.’
I slipped into celebrity-mode the very next day.
“CHOCOLATE COVERED STRAWBERRIES!” I screamed as I entered any/all places of business, wildly snapping my fingers (communicating how important I am). I adorned myself in vintage furs, rhinestones, gold teeth and darkened sunglasses (providing commoners with visual ‘fame’ cues). I sighed loudly, groaned and rolled my eyes when people greeted me (displaying a cool indifference to life) and I asked every person I came into contact with if they could ‘GET ARMANI ON THE PHONE – I NEED TO SPEAK WITH ARMANI!’ (broadcasting importance/worth).
After eight months, I had lost all of my friends, my day job and was banned from thirteen restaurants – I knew I was ready.
We scheduled (I demanded – asserting dominance) the shoot to take place at the end of October (to prevent unnesseary droopage – I only shoot in the fall/winter months. Nothing like a brisk chill to help keep those breasts perky).
***Sidenote: Photographers love to receive and work within any and all of your demands. The more demands you have, the more profesisonal you come across.
I made sure to be surly and difficult throughout the day – complaining about everything from the colors of the leaves to the photographer’s aura. I belittled the hired help whenever I could (reinforcing the hierchy) and popped multiple bottles of champagne during each style change (although this left me in a lot of debt, it looked dope AND made life difficult for the stylist as she tried to change me into new looks – so win-win).
All in all – the shoot was a magical success. The assistants left early due to nervous breakdowns, the photographer vowed to never photograph me again (completely typical outcome in the ‘industry’) and I was stranded in a field, surrounded by hundreds of champagne corks with no ride home.
It was perfect.
In truth – I was fortunate enough to be included in this ‘lil shoot with the scrumptious ‘Ella Haus Photography’. She is incredible and such a treat to work (play?) with. She had an outline for what she was envisioning and made it easy to follow along. She sourced a hair stylist (Holly) and some clothing items from Hunnis and Unika… and the rest we sorted out ourselves. I conveniently had a sweet friend who is very generous with her pony… Who fortunately was taking a break from Vogue and was able to give us a hand.
The whole experience was chilly, full of uncertainty, outside-of-the-comfort-zone (sultry? Me?), wild amounts of fun, pretty clothes, mucho resting-b*tch-face and so many, MANY thorns in the footsies. Totes. Worth. It. I mean, it’s all downhill from here surely… best capture it while we can!
Thank you Ang for making my ‘why so serious?’ look so purrrddyyyy!
XOXO
Log these pics are incredible, you need to start a portfolio!